Monsters, Mutants and Aliens

Mutant Lamb Born with Human Face -- Yes, This is Real!

2010-01-13T14:26:00.005-05:00

Apparently in a village in Turkey, near Izmir (along the Aegean coast), a lamb was born with human-like facial features. The eyes, nose and mouth are very human, and it kinda reminds me of Pinocchio in donkey form (just look at those ears!). But it gets even better.

The genius governor of the province where the he-calf was born publicly stated that it was a human/lamb cross breed. He said, "This incident is very shocking. It is my first time to see such an evil thing. It is really embarrassing. The head belongs to a man while the body is that of a goat. This is evident that an adult human being was responsible. Evil powers caused this person to lose self control. We often hear cases of human beings who commit bestiality but this is the first time for such an act to produce a product with human features."

On a similar note, apparently a goat with a similar "human" face was born alive in September 2009 in Zimbabwe, but was soon killed by the terrified local villagers.

Seriously. I'm not making this up.

It's funny, because I was just thinking the other day about how I need a good mutant post, as I haven't really written one yet. Well, ya can't beat mutant people-sheep.

You can check out the full story here.

On Avatar's Mad Marines and Boring Blue People

2010-01-12T16:33:00.004-05:00

I wish this was a better movie -- Grr!

So I've been meaning to write up a post about what I thought of James Cameron's supposed magnum opus, Avatar. To be blunt, I thought it kinda sucked. I don't think it's even really a bad film. It didn't totally suck or was the worst fucking thing I've ever seen, it was just a much lesser product than what I was expecting, so it just kinda sucked. Sure, the effects were mind-blowing and worth the price of admission alone, but the story was tired, predictable, and worst of all, boring. Also, because it's Cameron, my expectations were much higher than they would be for any old Joe Schmo director. After all, this is the dude who wrote and directed Aliens, Titanic, The Abyss and Terminator 1 & 2, so the guy certainly knows how to create and shoot compelling characters and engaging narratives.

Anyway, my wife and I drove for an hour or so to one of those real, no-shit Imaxs. Not those pussy little expanded conventional theaters where they take out the first few rows of seats and shove the screen forward and charge you an extra $5 for it, we went to a real deal Imax. (Note: the last and only other time we have done this for a film was for last summer's Transformers flick, and that movie did totally suck and may well have been the worst fucking thing I've ever seen (not really, but it is high up there on my shit list).

I'm not trying to change any minds here, just stating my opinion. Avatar has been out for 3 weeks and is already the 2^nd highest grossing picture of all time (I wonder what Cameron's going to say at the Oscars this time, "I'm king of the universe," perhaps?). Chance's are, if you're reading a post on a blog called Monsters, Mutants and Aliens, you've already seen the movie and have your opinions about it one way or the other, which is fine.

However, I really expected more from Cameron. I've been playing an older Xbox 360 game for the past few weeks (Mass Effect), and I have to say, it's story is everything I wanted Cameron's Avatar to be. Compelling, unpredictable characters, a gripping narrative and an amazing sci-fi setting. But that's not what we, or at least, I, got.

Instead, we're given static, boring, predictable characters who are either good or bad. We never get a real look at the personalities of the Navi people. Every scene and shot they're in focuses on making them either A: heroic, or B: sympathetic. Sure, they have a few disagreements, but we're never afforded an actual glimpse into the dynamics of their society. Every alien we meet belongs to the upper class and act as guardians of the planet. There is no betrayal, no complexity. Hell, I don't even remember seeing any little blue children.

On the other end, we have the human marines, and Cameron's presentation of them is shameful. He portrayed them like trigger-happy killing machines and, in reality, these people fight and die for us everyday, so that is just fucking inexcusable to me. Also, after Sam Worthington turns into a blue hippy thing with a USB tail, I found it jarring that we're suddenly supposed to be all happy when we're seeing the Marines die. Sure, Colonel Quaritch (the bad guy) was a single-sided cartoon villain with no determinable motivation to do anything other than blow shit up and be an asshole, so it's fine to watch him expire, but everyone else was just following orders.

To prevent such feelings, Cameron made sure to show us the Marines' callousness towards the Navi people, but they were just regurgitating the only information they had been given about the alien species. It actually reminded me of a documentary I watched recently, History Channel's World War 2 in HD (fucking awesome doc, by the way, and easily the best WWII doc I've ever seen). Anyway, it uses actual footage from the period, and there was one part when the marines were making their assault on one of the Japanese controlled Pacific islands, and the Jap citizens started killing themselves and their families when it became clear that the US was going to take the island. It was nuts -- mothers grabbing their babies and jumping off cliffs, fathers slitting their children's throats and then their own -- very, very sad shit. Anyway, they did all this because they had been told that the Americans were bloodthirsty savages and were going to rape, loot and murder every last one of them. They killed their children out of love -- they truly believed that it would be better for their kids that way. They were acting on the only information they had been given about us, just as the marines in Avatar were acting on the only information that had been given to them about the Navi. So I thought the final battle was cool and all, but impossible to get into. My sympathies were torn, and an amicable, non-confrontational solution would have been ideal but, of course, would have also been pretty lame in an action film.

The world was lush and beautiful, but ultimately empty. It was like Sesame Street, full of compelling characters and environments, but ultimately telling a story that anyone over the age of 6 is going to be able to predict.

I hope that Cameron will give us both amazing effects and a compelling narrative in his next, already-announced sequel. It's an awesome world, I'd just like to see it inhabited by complex characters instead of boring cartoon castoffs.

John Connolly's "The Gates" Makes for a Hell of a Read

2010-01-06T11:10:00.005-05:00

I just finished an excellent book called "The Gates" by John Connolly. I'd never heard of Mr. Connolly before picking up this book, but apparently he's quite a respected and well regarded author, and with good reason. The book is amazing.

The closest work I can equate it to is Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's "Good Omens," which is, in my humble opinion, a masterpiece of apocalyptic humor and is one of the greatest books I've ever read. Connolly's book isn't quite as good as Omens, but that's like saying Megadeth isn't as good as Iron Maiden. There're both amazing artists and should be consumed post haste, but let's be honest, they can't all be Iron Maidens.

Connolly's work is a funny and engaging vision of a satanic apocalypse. It's rife with British humor and centers on a young boy, Samuel, who inadvertently witnesses some bored neighbors accidentally open a portal to hell and get possessed by demons. It is then up to Samuel, his dog, his friends, and a kind-hearted demon to prevent big red (referred to in "The Gates" as "the Great Malevolence") from entering our world and tearing it asunder.

What I really like about the book is, unlike so many authors today, Connolly uses science, not magic, to make his story work. Sure, we are still talking about hell and demons and whatnot, but he attempts to ground the fantastic elements of his tale in factual reality. Magic is such an easy out, but Connelly uses alternate dimensions, wormholes, black holes, dark matter and the Large Hadron Collider to make it work. I'm incredibly fascinated by all this stuff to begin with, so I truly appreciated the extra effort he took to make the story work. At the end of the day it's still about the devil trying to escape hell and destroy the earth, but the added science really helps the story not feel clichéd or recycled. He even uses comical footnotes to inform the reader of relevant real-world historical events and to make scientifically complex story elements comprehendible.

So, anyway, if you're looking for a funny, good read, pick up "The Gates" by John Connolly. It was released in October, but it's available in hardback at both Borders and Barnes and Noble for $12, or from Amazon for the same price.

New Wolfman Poster is Really Something to Howl About

2009-11-08T16:05:00.003-05:00

Sorry about the title; I just couldn't resist. This poster does a lot more to get me pumped about the new Wolfman flick than the trailer did. This image looks so awesome! Check out the official unveiling of the poster at AICN.

Regarding the Cake Boss, Army of Darkness and Shameless Self-Promotion

2009-11-05T10:53:00.006-05:00

Before you begin reading this post, I'm going to warn you that the entire thing is really shameless self-promotion with very little (and I mean by the smallest amount) pay off.

Of the few people who read my blog, most of you probably don't know that I work as a full-time freelance writer for Discovery Channel through HowStuffWorks and TLC. I know, who cares, right? And what the hell could either HowStuffWorks or TLC have anything to do with mosters, mutants or aliens? Well, truth is, not much. But a little -- so bear with me.

Anyway, so I recently had the opportunity to interview Buddy Valastro, a.k.a. TLC's Cake Boss, for an article on Christmas cookies. I'm not going to get into why the Cake Boss was answering questions about cookies, but I do get the irony. But, honestly, it's cool, cause I'll take cookies over cakes any day. I fucking love a good cookie. Seriously.

So, to try and bring this post back to something relevant to this blog, I also love Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy (as I'm sure most of you do). In fact, I think it's safe to say that I care more for Mr. Campbell and those ever-persistent deadites than even the most delicious batch of cookies, and that's really saying something.

Now, I don't know about you, but I also consider myself a bit of a film connoisseur. I love all film, from the great silent pics of the teens and 20s, to the dark noir of the 40s to the gritty, balls-out, bad ass flicks of the 70s. And in all my cinematic undertakings, I have never heard a better one-liner than that which is spoken by Mr. Campbell in Army of Darkness.

So, drum roll, please … check out the title of this page.

Yep, that's it. You just read all that to find out that I titled one of the pages of my Cake Boss interview after the greatest line in cinema history.

However, if you want more, I did also mention the Troma-classic Rabid Grannies in How Rabies Works (it's in the sidebar on the Bats vs. Dogs page).

Yep, that's all I got for ya today. That's it. Nothing else. Seriously.

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Alien Sequel "A Brand New Box of Tricks" According to Ridley Scott

2009-10-29T13:48:00.003-04:00

Hell yes! Ridley Scott, the man who crafted one of the best Sci-Fi pictures of all time, Alien, is returning to the franchise to direct a prequel to his original film. Regarding the flick, Scott said, "It's a brand new box of tricks. We know what the road map is, and the screenplay is now being put on paper. The prequel will be a while ago. It's very difficult to put a year on Alien, but if Alien was towards the end of this century, then the prequel story will take place thirty years prior."

It's not much, but he seems excited. You can read the whole article here, but I pretty much covered everything.

If you're in the mood for some intelligent rumination on Aliens, war, and the apocalypse check out an excellent post entitled "Express Elevator to Hell: Aliens as Apocalyptic Literature" over at The Action Effect. It's good stuff.

Note: My exclamation at the beginning of this post was more in reference to Ridley Scott talking about another Alien movie. If he had just walked by, turned and looked into a camera and said "Alien," I would have undoubtedly written a very similar post with the same opening.

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Trick 'r Treat is as Good as a Pillowcase Full of Halloween Candy and Much Better for You!

2009-10-20T16:35:00.004-04:00

So I finally watched Trick 'r Treat, the long-canned Halloween fright flick that's been garnering excellent reviews and positive press for several years now. Despite the overwhelming reactions from fans at conventions and special engagements, it never received a real theatrical release and got dumped on DVD and Blu-ray a couple of weeks ago (notice the release date in the poster above).

So did it live up to the hype? In a word, yes. Trick 'r Treat is just fucking awesome. It's an anthology pic written directed by Michael Dougherty (the dude who also wrote and directed X2 and Superman Returns), and it pumps some much-needed fresh blood into the Halloween horror genre.

It's a lot like the Creepshow series, so much so that it even uses comic book-styled opening credits. However, Trick 'r Treat eclipses those classic 80's flicks, despite the lack of the genius talent of George Romero and Stephen King. What separates it from Creepshow, or any horror film in recent memory, is Dougherty's inventiveness and disregard for audience expectations. There are 4 stories, and only one of them was at all predictable. He uses your own horror knowledge against you, and just when you think you know what's going to happen, he surprises you with something plausible but unexpected and deliciously grisly.

Don’t' get me wrong, this isn't in the running for the title of greatest horror movie ever made. It's inventive, but Night of the Living Dead or Texas Chainsaw Massacre this is not. Instead, it's a quick, surprising and immensely fun little horror flick from a Hollywood bigwig (which is perhaps the most amazing thing about the movie). So if you're even half as sick as I am of the vastly overrated Saw franchise dominating the entire month of October, stay home and pick up a copy of Trick R' Treat. You will not be disappointed.

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Roger Corman and Joe Dante Have Turned Cory Feldman into a Zombie, and We Get to Decide His Fate!

2009-10-15T16:49:00.002-04:00

How cool is this? B-movie maestro Roger Corman is producing a series of horror Webisodes staring the one and only Cory Feldman as a vengeful, undead rock star. Genre icon Joe Dante is directing, and, best of all, WE get decide how the story plays out. According to Bloody Disgusting, "Mr. Corman, making his Internet video debut at age 83, is opening up the creative direction of the series by asking the public to vote on the fate of its characters." So it's kinda like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" horror series with Cory Feldman. Weird and very cool. In fact, I like the premise enough to overlook the use of the word "frenemies" in the press release.

So, what do ya think? Will we finally get the chance to see Feldman do in his lamer half, Cory Haim?

Check out the preview at Netflix.

I'm Dying to Visit "The House of the Devil!"

2009-10-13T16:51:00.006-04:00

I've been hearing great things about this retro, 80s-themed horror flick, "The House of the Devil." You can check it out on Xbox Live, Amazon and VOD right now, and it's hitting a few theaters the day before Halloween. The marketing campaign is badass, and really makes me want to spend my hard-earned Xbox Live points. (Pic).

Strange Halo Appears Over Moscow! Bizarre Weather Anomaly or Alien Mothership?

2009-10-11T12:04:00.002-04:00

No, this isn't an outtake from "Independence Day." It actually appeared in the sky directly over Moscow recently. People all over the world have been analyzing it, with some calling it a natural weather pattern and others claiming it as irrefutable proof of alien life. Now, regardless what you believe it to be (I think it's probably just a really cool and unusual weather anomaly), it's amazing to watch and consider. If it was aliens, I'm just glad they didn’t' annihilate Red Square.

Check out this article to learn more.

After Schwarzenegger's Done Governating California, Will He Take a Trip to the Predators' Home World?

2009-09-30T19:03:00.004-04:00

I just watched LatinoReview's awesome script review (via AICN) of Robert Rodriguez and Nimrod Antal's reboot of the "Predator" franchise, "Predators." We all know how awesome Rodriguez is, and his idea for the flick (a group of earth's toughest men hunted on predators' planet) is just awesome. And while I'm very excited about Danny Trejo's involvement, I as giddy as a schoolgirl over Dutch's potential return. Sadly, it will only be a cameo, but it's still amazing.

With Schwarzenegger's cameo in this and Sly's upcoming "Expendables" movie, it looks like Arnie may be prepping a return to cinema. Hell, his computer generated, 10-second appearance in "Terminator: Salvation" was the best part of the movie. Is it too much to hope for "King Conan?"

Evil Plush Toy Kills for Laughs in "My Stuffed Animal is a Monster."

2009-09-24T16:14:00.003-04:00

Now this just looks awesome! It's like "Child's Play" meets "Toy Story" on no budget. It premieres tomorrow night in New York, and you can find out more about this upcoming cult classic on the film's MySpace page.

My Stuffed Animal is a Monster - Trailer

"House of the Wolf Man" Looks Like an Excellent, Old-School Tribute

2009-09-18T23:14:00.003-04:00

Staring Ron Cheney (the great-grandson of Lon Cheney), a dude that looks kinda like Bela Lugosi, and old-school makeup effects, "House of the Wolf Man" looks to be an fitting tribute to the fright flicks of old. Oh, and it's filmed entirely in black and white.

It's like what Tarantino and Rodriguez did with their "Grindhouse" flicks, only with the Universal-era of monster films instead of the low-budget flicks of the 70s. Check out the trailer below, which I nabbed from YouTube.

"Dracula 2" May Really Suck (But in a Good, Vampirey kinda Way)

2009-09-17T15:33:00.009-04:00

They are making a sequel to "Dracula." Let me rephrase that. They are writing a sequel to "Dracula." As soon as I read this article from ShockTillYouDrop, I knew I had to post something about the project. I planned on being witty, perhaps penning a smarmy comment mocking the inherent lameness of attempting to draft a sequel to "Dracula," which is unquestionably one of the most important and influential novels ever written. As I mentioned yesterday, I can't stand people dabbling in worlds they didn’t create.

I planned to mock it until I watched the trailer. Although the video looks cheap and cheesy (like most Dracula sequels), it managed to change my mind. Apparently, they got one of Bram Stoker's decedents and a Dracula historian to write it using Stoker's original, handwritten notes as a guide. That's pretty damn cool.

So while it still may end up sucking harder than a toothless vampire, I'm defently going to have to give it a read. It's entitled "Dracula: The Un-Dead" and will be released on October 13^th.

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"Night of the Living Dead: Origins" Will Be Told Without Romero

2009-09-16T11:23:00.002-04:00

You know, I'm really torn about this. According to Bloody Disgusting, a new NOTLD project is in the works, and I'm not talking about George Romero's 6^th zombie opus, "Survival of the Dead." Apparently, an upcoming filmmaker named Zebediah De Soto is crafting an origin story for the NOTLD mythos without Romero's involvement or permission. According to BD "De Soto was a fan of the original 'Living Dead' and once … [he] realized the rights were in the public domain, zeroed in on that project."

While I love the zombiefied world Romero created, I have a hard time understanding and embracing the people who take advantage of the film's public domain status. Sure, it was fucking idiotic of Romero to have not done his research on how to establish a proper copyright for the film, but it is unequivocally still his work.

NOTLD is perhaps the greatest horror film ever made, so it makes an attractive target for budding filmmakers. However, I think that it would be more respectful to make a zombie movie sans the NOTLD name and perhaps even say something like "inspired by George Romero's NOLTD." I just think it's kinda stabbing him in the back. What do you think?

Cobs, Robbers and … Zombies?

2009-09-11T15:19:00.007-04:00

Below is the trailer for the forthcoming French horror flick, 'La Horde.' It recently premiered at Frightfest and is apparently about cops and mobsters having to team up to save themselves from a large undead menace. A very, very large undead menace. I'm pretty sure that the scene at the end of the trailer show more zombies than I've ever seen in a film before. Very impressive and awesome.

Teaser_La_Horde
by blankytwo

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Trailer

Monstrous Giant Rats, Fanged Frogs and More Found in Dormant Volcano

2009-09-08T21:34:00.004-04:00

It sounds like the plot of an awesome b-movie, but it's true. Apparently, a filmmaking team of BBC journalists has discovered over 40 new species of creatures in a long-dormant volcano in Papua New Guinea. They documented fanged frogs, this cat-sized, vegetarian rodent named the Wolly Rat (seen in the pic above) and many other new critters. Because the area is extremely difficult to reach, it has remained isolated since the volcano's last eruption, which is estimated to have occurred approximately 200,000 years ago. I can't wait to see the documentary that comes from this excursion. Read more about this amazing discovery here.

Forget Drug Cartels! 'Rambo 5' More 'Predator' Than 'First Blood' and Why That's a Good Thing!

2009-09-05T21:34:00.003-04:00

So perhaps I spoke a bit too soon on the 'Rambo' post a few days ago. He's not fighting aliens or drug cartels, instead, he's fighting a sort of savage beast created by the military. This is definitely more of what I had pictured in my mind when Stallone was talking about taking 'Rambo' in a different direction.

The above pic (which I nabbed from AICN) is a promotional poster they slapped together for the Toronto Film Festival. Sly was cool enough to leave a voice mail on Harry Knowles' phone to explain things a bit. You can hear that message here.

So, what do you think? Personally, as I expressed in my previous post, I'm all about Stallone taking the series in a new direction. Sure, the poster looks like something that would appear on the cover of a discount direct-to-DVD flick, but it's just being used for very limited promotional purposes. Between his recent reboots of the 'Rocky' and 'Rambo' franchises, not to mention the potential awesomeness of next year's 'The Expendables,' I'm expecting great things.

It's like Schwarzenegger's character, Dutch, from 'Predator.' Dutch was obviously experienced in military matters before he met the alien hunter, and it was his skill and expertise that enabled him to kill the creature. So, why can't Rambo do something similar? The only difference is that we've seen Rambo's previous exploits. It's like if they made a series of films about Dutch's war experiences then capped it off with 'Predator.' Would those previous films make 'Predator' any lesser of a picture? I don’t think so. And considering that 'Predator' is one of the most bad-ass movies ever made, at least in my opinion, I'm all for Rambo taking a similar, though decidedly more monstrous direction.

People are bitching-a-fit right now about the move, but I think if Sly handled it right and made a picture as good as the last 'Rambo' flick, he could really refresh and revitalize the series. Hell, I'm just happy I can talk about the next 'Rambo' movie on my blog! So what do you guys think? Is the creature going to be more monster or mutant? Whatever it is, I'll be talking about it!

First Image from 'The Host 2' Released

2009-09-02T14:04:00.006-04:00

I like the look of the monster, even if the CGI isn't perfect. According to Bloody-Disgusting (which is also where I nabbed the above pic), "the story will concern a calamity caused when people ignore a monster due to their desire for money."

I think it's fair to expect quite a lot out of this film. The first 'Host' is simply incredible and an outstanding example of South Korean cinema. If you haven't seen it, you should really check it out. It's exactly the kind of film that Hollywood doesn’t know how to make anymore. It's dark, funny and deeply disturbing. It's also perhaps one of the greatest monster movies ever made. Seriously. Check out this link if you don’t believe me.

Rambo Will Be Fighting Aliens in His Next Moive, But Not the Kind I was Hoping For

2009-09-01T14:30:00.009-04:00

I know the 'Rambo' series has nothing really to do with horror, sci-fi, monsters, mutants or aliens, but I hoped that it one day would. You see, I remember reading this article shortly after 'Rambo' was released last year.

If you're too lazy to click the link, let me sum it up for you: Stallone spoke about how he had already taken the Rambo character as far as he could with war, so if a part 5 was ever going to get made, he was going to take the series in an entirely different direction. He said "I would like to take Rambo to another genre, experiment a little with the character. It would definitely not be another war movie. I can't go any further with that than what I've already done."

So ever since I read that statement, my crazy mind has been dreaming of Rambo's guns and brawn vs. an alien menace. At the very least, I was picturing something supernatural in nature, but, alas, that is not the case. He's going to be messing with aliens, but not the kind I like to discuss on this site. According to AICN, he's "rescuing a young girl snatched at the US/Mexico border. That rescue operation pits him against drug lords and human traffickers."

Look, I'm happy to get another Rambo movie of any kind, but imagine the possibility of 'Rambo 5: The Alien Encounter' or 'Rambo 5: Rambo vs. Godzilla'! The possibilities are endless. I should've known better, but can you imagine how cool would that have been? Admittedly, it probably would've destroyed any hope Stallone might harbor for 'Rambo 6,' but I sure as hell would've paid my $10 to see it!

Oh well, maybe Stallone can make a pertinent political statement about the shocking violence that's occurring along the U.S./Mexican border right now. Anything's possible, right?

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3D 'Halloween' Will Be Zombie Free! …. For Better or Worse

2009-08-30T19:27:00.005-04:00

I haven't gotten the chance to see 'Halloween II' yet (I'm going tomorrow night), so I have no idea if it's any good or not (I've heard some bad buzz, but I'm still hopeful). However, they're already planning a 3rd flick that is apparently due next year, according to Shock Till You Drop. Zombie is not involved in this one (he's too busy playing with Jello, as I mentioned a couple of days ago), but the film will be in 3D, because this weekend's number one film, 'The Final Destination,' is 3D. So take that for what you will.

Does anyone remember 'Halloween 3: Season of the Witch'? Fuck, that movie was bad. It didn’t even have Michael Myers in it -- instead, it was all about Stonehenge and scary masks. Like Mikey's mold of Shatner's face wasn't scary enough? Let's just hope that we can count on a 'Halloween' film next year during, I don't know, Halloween. That would be nice.
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Does Anyone Else Think It's Strange this Chick Would Decide to Go Spelunking Again?

2009-08-28T15:48:00.003-04:00

Since I haven't posted a trailer for anything yet today, here is one for 'The Decent Part 2' which looks exactly, and I mean exactly like the first 'Decent.' I thought the original was pretty cool, but the monsters kinda took something out of it for me. Normally I'm all for monsters of any kind in just about any film, but since the chicks had enough other shit going on, it felt kinda like those cave creatures were just thrown in during the third act. Hopefully, we'll see more fully-realized subterranean baddies in this next picture. Also, I like that they actually added the 'Part 2' instead of just slapping a number on it or changing the name a bit. Makes it feel more like a horror flick from the 80s.

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Rob Zombie + 'The Blob' = ?

2009-08-28T11:37:00.006-04:00

Well, I just didn’t' see this one coming. In probably the strangest bit of news I've seen lately, Rob Zombie has agreed to write, produce and helm another remake of the 1958 sci-fi/horror flick, 'The Blob.' Now, the original 'Blob' starred Steve McQueen and is one of my favorite sci-fi flicks from the 50s. I also remember liking the 1988 remake, but it's been quite awhile since I've seen it.

Anyway, I kinda like the idea of Zombie tackling a movie like this, as it's not strictly horror and will allow us to see if he can has the chops to make it as a more mainstream director. However, I think his record thus far is pretty spotty, and the best part of his films are always the shockingly brutal kills.

Regarding the forthcoming remake, Zombie promised he was going to change the blob itself, saying, "That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now" (Variety). That's great, but the movie is called 'The Blob,' so how far away can ya really get?

Anyway, while I think this is cool, I also really want Zombie to go create something new. He showed so much promise with the excellent 'Devil's Rejects,' even if it's predecessor, 'House of 1,000 Corpses' was pretty derivative and predictable. As I mentioned a couple days ago, I think that 'The Haunted World of El Superbeasto' looks fantastic, and the main reason I'm so greatly anticipating his second 'Halloween' remake is because he insisted that that he's no longer tied to Carpenter's original and it is much more of his own creation. I thought that the first half of his version of 'Halloween' was amazing, but he lost focus during the second half, after Michael returns to Haddonfield, and was too clearly aping the original. Personally, I just want him to get on with Tyrannosaurus Rex, which, last I heard, was going to be his next project.

On a side note, why the hell is 'Halloween' being released in August? They did the same thing back on 07, and it was stupid then. Not very timely.

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Apathetic High School Horror and Megan Fox's Tits

2009-08-26T19:52:00.006-04:00

So I just watched the trailer for 'Jennifer's Body.' I have to be honest, I'm just not feeling this movie, which is strange, considering that I pretty much love all things horror. Hell, I'm so disinterested that I didn’t even check out the trailer until now, despite the fact that I knew it showed Megan Fox's mostly-bare ta-tas. It's not that I don’t like the idea of a demon possessing some girl and making her kill people, nor is it because I have an aversion to watching hot, naked women (quite the contrary on both, actually), it's just that I'm sick to fucking death of high school movies.

I mean, really -- what is this obsession we have with high school? Who really gives a shit about this four-year period? Sure, it was when most of us figured out about the opposite sex, and it was a time of great personal and hormonal change, but if you're honest with yourself, was it really all that great? And even if it was, what bearing on your life does it have now? Of course, if you're currently in high school, it's all-encompassing, and you have no idea what I'm bitching about. But give it a couple of years. Life goes on, and, I don't know about anybody else, but I hardly ever think about it. Everything is just so different now, and those 4 years have so little relevance to the real world.

So anyway, back to 'Jennifer's Body.' I'm sick to death of films that we are expected to consume where high school is the focus. Most of all, and 'Jennifer's Body' is a perfect example of this, it's weird that high school girls are advertised as these creatures of sensuality and seduction. This voyeuristic tendency of focusing on high school girls as sexual objects is beyond bizarre, and then you have men my age (I'm 32) and older (and younger) lusting after them. This is fucked up, people! If you're over about the age of 25, have you seen an actual 16-year old girl lately? They look like fucking children! Megan Fox, by the way, does NOT in anyway look like a high school chick, which makes sense, because, according to IMDB, she's 23.

Now, I know Diablo Cody wrote this, and she penned 'Juno,' which was, incidentally, a smart and gripping high school drama. However, 'Jennifer's Body,' to me, looks like 1,000 teenage horror flicks I've seen before.

But most of all, I think that most recent high school horror movies are shit. It's just boring. Imagine interesting characters and dynamic settings. Sure, horror films aren't exactly known for their innovation, but foreign fright flicks often focuses on adults, and it works nicely (take 'Haute Tension,' for example). The characters are relatable and interesting and it makes, overall, for a better film experience for anybody over 18 years old (which should, theoretically, be a large portion of the people attending a movie like 'Jennifer's Body,' because you have to be 17 to even get in to see the damn thing).

Now don’t get me wrong, there have been some great, recent high school horror movies, Teeth being a good example. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it would be nice to have a bit more variety in horror, and to have some films actually targeted to those of us who have long since stopped worrying about S.A.T.s and prom. Or, if they have to go that route, at least make them interesting and intelligent.

So here's the red band trailer for 'Jennifer's Body' (curtsey of ShockTillYouDrop) yes, you can kinda see her tits for like a fraction of a millisecond, and yes, they do look nice. So I guess forget I said anything and just watch the stupid trailer.

On a side note, I wonder how many hits that title will get me. Pic

Rob Zombie and the Cartoon Bush

2009-08-25T16:51:00.000-04:00

In honor of Rob Zombie's 'Halloween 2' coming out Friday (which I am completely geeking out about), I thought I'd spend a little time this week looking at the man's work, Past Present, and Future. (Get it? That's the name of his greatest hits album. And yes, I'm that much of a dork.)

As you may know, Mr. Zombie has an animated movie releasing on DVD soon called 'The Haunted World of El Superbeasto,' which looks to kinda be a cross between 'Loony Tunes' and "Heavy Metal,' which, in my opinion, is completely awesome. Here's the red band trailer (nabbed from Trailer Addict), which is fantastic (aside from a lame voice over). Watch it and let me know what you think.

BTW, I don’t want to immediately say this trailer is NSFW, but there is a teensy bit of cartoon bush for a second or two. So if that's going to be a problem for you, just wait till you get home. If it's not an issue, click away!

On 'The Wolf Man' and Werewolf Transformations

2009-08-24T16:23:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I assume everyone's seen 'The Wolfman' trailer by now. I have to say, I think it looks pretty good, but the quality of the upcoming remake isn't really what I want to talk about today. If you haven't seen it yet, watch the vid below (which I nabbed from Bloody-Disgusting).

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Just for the record, I'm a HUGE fan of the 1941 original flick, and I love the actors they got for the remake. Unless they're able to reanimate Lon Chaney Jr. to reprise the role, you can't get better casting for this part than Benicio Del Toro. But this was a troubled production, and the suits at Universal seem to be playing musical chairs with this flick's release date (which is never a good sign). However, in my opinion, the sin this movie committed was tying the hands of one of the greatest effects wizards in the business, Rick Baker.

What is so supremely fucking stupid about this is that Mr. Baker is the man who crafted the best werewolf transformation scene in history in 1981's 'American Werewolf in London.' Here is that excellent scene in it's entirety, courtesy of YouTube.

Apparently, Baker wanted to do an old-school FX transformation scene, but the Universal suits said no, and deatils are scarce as to his input to the final design and look of the wolfman in the finished film. In fact, there were several weeks of reshoots that took place earlier this year to supposedly remake the entire transformation scene and look of the character, changing him from a two to four-legged creature.

Now, after seeing a portion of the transformation in the trailer, what really boggles my mind is the obvious tribute they're paying to Baker's previous work in 'American Werewolf.' Wasn't this supposed to be 'The Wolf Man?' I mean, c'mon, there's no question what they're doing with the ankles, hands and all that. Is this Baker returning to his roots or have they kicked the man to the curb and are now blatantly imitating his past brilliance? It's obvious from his original design that he initially went in intending to pay homage to the design of the original film, but apparently that's not want Universal wanted.

It's all very strange. If they're going to bring back their famous monsters line (which is something they've been trying to do for awhile now), you'd think they'd be interested in retaining the identity of the monsters themselves.

Regardless, I thought the CGI looked good, even though FX still would've been so much cooler.

Thoughts?

James Cameron's 'Avatar' Trailer Invokes Edgar Rice Burroughs' 'Mastermind of Mars'

2009-08-20T11:45:00.000-04:00

Now this looks like a kick-ass movie! I've watched the trailer a couple of times now, and I just can't get over how ball-bustingly amazing it looks! I'm instantly reminded of 'Star Wars,' classic old western flicks and 'Aliens,' but there's something unique there as well. Am I riding the geek train of hype or does this look like the next big thing in sci-fi?

HD trailer can be found here!

It actually reminds of a book I'm in the middle of right now, Edgar Rice Burroughs' 'The Mastermind of Mars,' which came out in 1927. It's the 6th book in Burroughs' Mars series, and, so far, is centered around a man from Earth who works for a mad scientiest of sorts that has the ability to transfer one person's mind into another individiual's body. The man from Earth falls in love with the mind of a beautiful woman who was forced to switch bodies with a wretched hag (so she's in the body of the hag). It seems to be kind of oppisite in 'Avatar', as the robot from 'Terminator: Salvation' is doing the body-hopping and the alien chick is falling for him, but you get the point.

New Discovery Indicates Building Blocks of Life Common Throughout the Universe

2009-08-18T10:00:00.000-04:00

Ok, so today marks the end of my blog's first week of existence, and since everything I have done up until this point has been film related (a tendency which will undoubtedly continue), today I'm going to just talk about an amazing new scientific discovery.

This morning I came across a Reuters article touting the fact that the amino acid glycine has been found in the tail of a comet. While this might not sound completely bad-ass, I assure you, it is. Glycine is one of the critical building blocks of life, and it's existence in a comet not only gives us clues as to how life may have first developed on this planet, it also significantly lessens the chance that we are alone in the universe. After all, a comet's orbit will take it throughout the galaxy, so these building blocks could end up anywhere.

In the article, Carl Pitcher, the director of NASA Astrobiology Institute in California, says, "The discovery of glycine in a comet supports the idea that the fundamental building blocks of life are prevalent in space, and strengthens the argument that life in the universe may be common rather than rare."

So today, while you're reading news about partisan politics, celebrity gossip, or whatever, just remember that we have come one step closer to confirming the existence of alien life, and that, my friends, is pretty damn cool.

'Survival of the Dead' and a Soapbox

2009-08-17T12:18:00.000-04:00

So I guess ol' George Romero has given up trying to direct anything without "of the Dead" in the title, and Bloody Disgusting has some exclusive images from his latest, 'Survival of the Dead.'

I think Romero is a genius, but the prospect of another zombie pic from the master fills me with trepidation. Sure, 'Night' and 'Dawn' are, in my humble opinion, two of greatest zombie (not to mention horror) movies ever made, but, let’s be honest, 'Diary of the Dead' pretty much blew. Personally, I think Savini's work was sorely missed, as the effects looked amateurish (at best), and let's not even get into the annoying characters.

This, after 'Land of the Dead,' which I thought was good (even without Savini's work), but not anywhere close to the brilliance Romero showed in his earlier zombie flicks. It makes me think he needs to get away from the shambling dead for a bit and try something new. Sure, not everything he's done has been great, but 'The Crazies,' which was filmed between 'Night' and 'Dawn' is incredible --and remains underappreciated -- and 'Knightriders' and 'Creepshow' (both filmed between 'Dawn' and 'Day)' are excellent examples of non-zombie Romero awesomeness.

If you look at Romero's body of work (listed here), it's clear that he wants to do more than make films about hungry corpses, despite the fact that is all he's done for the bulk of the present decade. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Romero zombies, I just think that if the dude could explore other projects, he might come back and make better 'Of the Dead' pictures.

Regardless, I'm going to see the his latest the day it comes out (I was actually lucky enough to attend the L.A. premiere of 'Diary'). Despite my misgivings, I'm hoping for more excellent zombie goodness, and maybe this whole post was worthless, because the images coming out on 'Survival' look pretty damn great. I especially like the fat, puking zombie!

Will 'The Fourth Kind' Give Us the First Tangible Proof of Contact, or Is It Just 'Blair Witch' with Aliens?

2009-08-14T10:05:00.000-04:00

I just came across this a few moments ago and it surprised the hell outta me. It's one of those awesome trailers that comes gets you instantly pumped up for something you've never heard of before.

I can't tell if it's going to be a dramatized documentary that seriously investigates the abduction phenomenon or if it will be a "based on a true story" kinda thing where 99.9% of it is bullshit. Judging from the trailer, I'll see it regardless, but I hope that it takes the controversy seriously. I'm not familiar with the events in Alaska that the film focuses on, but I know there's more than enough real evidence of alien contact and abduction that they could make a perfectly terrifying, informative movie without having to add anything.

'The Fourth Kind' comes out November 6^th.

Evil Angels, Spider Monsters, and Roc? The Red-band Trailer for 'Legion' Looks Pretty Bad-ass!

2009-08-13T15:54:00.000-04:00

Anyone else reminded of that scene with spider-Regan in 'The Exorcist: The Version You've Never Seen?'

Is DeadGirl the First Great Film About Necrophilia?

2009-08-12T14:36:00.000-04:00

Well, if the trailer is any indication, it certainly looks that way. Check it out here. Apparently, it's from the producers behind 'Hellraiser' and 'Heathers,' two of my personal faves. I also really like the poster -- it's sick and subtle at the same time. The whole package looks well-done, a far cry from most of the films that dare to delve into this topic (I'm talking about you, 'The Stink of Flesh'). Plus, you know there's going to be some zombie mayhem, which is always nice.

Anyway, there's a lot of hype surrounding this film, which, in my mind, can only be a good thing. It garnered impassioned reviews of both disgust and adoration after its debut at the Toronto Film Festival last year, and is scheduled to hit dvd on September 15^th. I'll be sure to do a follow-up post after it comes out.

So, what do you guys think? Is it going to be more 'Kissed' or 'Nekromantik'? Perhaps a combination of the two? What would you like to see? Should this topic be eradicated from horror cinema, or should more movies engage in corpse/zombie fucking? Let me know your thoughts.

Pic can be found at: http://www.firstshowing.net/2008/09/21/worth-watching-sept-21-first-deadgirl-teaser-trailer/

I Don't Care How Many People Love it, District 9 is a Horrible Movie!

2009-08-11T17:38:00.001-04:00

I got the opportunity to check out an advance screening of 'District 9' in Atlanta last night. It's been a little over 12 hours since the credits rolled, and I think that, after carefully mentally reviewing and considering the film, that it's absolutely the worst movie I've ever seen. Yes, I'm serious.

"But how could that be?" you may ask. I'll tell you (spoilers included).

"Worse than Wing Commander?" Yes, by far, but in a much more serious way.

"Not worse than …. It couldn't be … worse than 'Legally Blonde 2.''' Oh, yes, yes, yes. I'd line up to see 'Legally Blonde 3: Brunette Bush' before paying money to see 'District 9' again.

However, it has only been half a day, and I admit that I should probably see the film again before I begin lumping it into the 'worse than 'Legally Blonde 2'' category. But I just can't help it. It was that fucking bad. But not bad in a 'Legally Blonde 2' way, where everything is poorly executed, like everyone involved in the film, from the writer(s), director, cinematographer, actors, everyone, could give a shit less about the film and thought of it as anything more than an easy paycheck.

No, 'District 9' is full of love and heart. It's packed with beauty, skill and was clearly put together by some of the best in the business, which makes it worse, because it's all stupid, nonsensical, heavy-handed bullshit. It's a thinking man's movie for morons, where all the strings are pulled in just such a way that there is only one conclusion. The film offers no interpretations, no options. It doesn’t trust you to find your own answers so it shoves the ones it wants to have down your throat.

But enough bullshit. Let's get into why it's such an atrociously awful film. First, you have to understand that I hate spoilers, and other than what was given away in the trailer, I knew nothing about this movie. Peter Jackson, Neil Blomkamp and aliens. Fucking awesome. That's what I knew. I love Jackson and I think that Blomkamp will undoubtedly be one of the most renowned directors in the world within a few years time.

So, needless to say, I went in expecting to love it, but immediately something didn’t sit well with me. The entire premise of the film is flawed from the get-go, when the aliens are brought down to live in Johannesburg. Because, lets be honest here, people. That never would of fucking happened! Those dirty, hungry alien-bitches would have been torched before they ever could have contaminated our air with their potentiality-lethal germs. Anyone remember what happened to the Native Americans? You can bet your ass that Blomkamp's humans would.

Normally such a sticking point wouldn’t matter. I've never once thought (until now), about that issue when watching 'Alien Nation' or 'E.T.' But Blomkamp is such an expert at making the whole thing real, and with reality comes real problems. If an alien ship were suddenly hovering over Johannesburg, then that it what it could look like. The brilliance of the effects is their reality.

But, even disregarding that fact, the movie still doesn’t work. We have to assume that the principle alien, Christopher Johnson (great alien name btw) was a pilot on chief mechanic of the ship. He knows what's wrong with the craft and how to fix it. He takes what is essentially the ships' engine, buries it in the ground and builds a shack on top of it. He, and assumedly the bulk of the rest of the stranded E.T.s, then spend the next 20 years collecting liquid out of alien junk to make spaceship gasoline (that, for some reason, happens to slowly morph humans into aliens upon contact).

So, we have to ask ourselves, what kind of stupid, fucked-up idiot pilot and/or mechanic runs out of gas in the middle of an interstellar voyage? And, presuming that there is such a fool, why did he decide to hover over Johannesburg and then drop the escape vessel/spaceship engine on earth. Why not just say, "Umm … hey guys, I think I really fucked up and didn’t pack enough gas for the whole trip, so would y'all mind digging around in any extra cans or metal cylinders you have lying around so we can come up with some more? Great. I'm just going to park this thing here in the middle of the cosmos while we do that."

Remember, they never wanted to leave the ship, we pesky humans are the ones who forcibly entered it and pulled them out. They were starving and slipping in their own shit instead of coming down to hang with us.

People, and by people, that means you, the audience, are the villains. Theoretically, I don’t have a problem with that. Except Blomkamp's reality is tangible, and the whole movie is centered around shoving guilt and blame on the audience. Again, lets be honest. We're not talking about aliens here.

Virtually every time a human is onscreen he or she is doing something despicable. Whether it is burning alien babies, extorting aliens for cat food or even hunting the human hero/protagonist, everything we do is bad. We're nameless, two-dimensional harbingers of pain and destruction, caring for nothing but profit and looking out only for ourselves. Our acts of cruelty, murder and torture are nonsensical and entirely fueled by self-interest. We have no loyalties, even to ourselves. When Wilkus, the hero/protagonist, turns alien, his life is sold for cash and weaponry. The most sympathetic human in the film, Wilkus' wife, sells him out by allowing her father to track her call. Whether her actions are intentional or not (this is really the only issue the film leaves open to interpretation) is irrelevant -- she still rats him out and causes a huge loss of both human and alien life.

But the aliens aren't much better. They are the reverse of the humans -- entirely sympathetic. It hurts to watch them suffer at our hands. And it should, they are the lost, weakest among us. Most obviously there's apartheid, but I was also reminded of the current situation in Darfur. The Jews in Nazi concentration camps. The indigent Mexican immigrants in America, ostracized by an uncaring society (an interesting social commentary, considering that many citizens of Jackson's homeland, New Zealand, have been bitching-a-fit over the influx of new immigrants their own county, thanks, in no small part to Jackson's LOTR series).

However, because their plight is so obvious and overstated, it's hard to care for them. Like the humans, there is no development of character. They are flat, boring. Of course it's hard watching them suffer. They are aliens, but you can clearly recognize their humanity.

It was like watching 'Passion of the Christ.' Very similar, actually, because, like in 'Passion,' everything is flat. There is no character development, but there didn’t really need to be. It was Jesus. Everybody knows Jesus, and, regardless of your faith, you got the point. You didn’t need the back story. With this film, however, we need more. Sure, you can echo past and current events, but the characters still need room to breathe. In 'District 9' they never do, they only rest of the laurels of human tragedy. Jackson and Blomkamp might as well made a morality play and named Wilkus 'everyman.'

The about-face at the end of the film, when Wilkus has a change of heart after doing his damn best to fuck-over several million aliens to save his arm, is not at all believable. To begin with, Wilkus is the most unlikable protagonist I can ever remember watching. I know it's intentional, but it doesn't make for an enjoyable experience at the movies. His character was so shitty, so ego-centric, that I just couldn’t buy his change of heart.

And the unflinching morality of alien Christopher was equally unbelievable. There was even a point where Christopher refused to leave Wilkus, the guy who tried to fuck-over every alien on the planet and destroy 20 years of Chris' hard work, all while Chris' son was in danger and they had an actual opportunity to escape. Just stupid.

Again, the movie was so preachy, so heavy-handed with its judgments, that it's impossible to get past. On top of that, the flick doesn’t provide an enjoyable experience. It's like watching 'Schindler's List' without the point.

I'm not a passive movie-goer who shys away from violence. I'm an avid horror fan. In fact, I refuse to watch PG-13 horror films because I believe that they weaken the genre as a whole. But 'District 9' is not a horror film. It's really not even a Sci-Fi film. It's a heavy-handed, accusatory political production that draws all the conclusions for you. Judging from 'District 9,' I'm damn glad that Jackson and Blomkamp didn’t get the chance to do 'Halo.' The last thing we need is a pseudo-political Master-Chief capping helpless Covenant troops.