Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Apathetic High School Horror and Megan Fox's Tits

So I just watched the trailer for 'Jennifer's Body.' I have to be honest, I'm just not feeling this movie, which is strange, considering that I pretty much love all things horror. Hell, I'm so disinterested that I didn’t even check out the trailer until now, despite the fact that I knew it showed Megan Fox's mostly-bare ta-tas. It's not that I don’t like the idea of a demon possessing some girl and making her kill people, nor is it because I have an aversion to watching hot, naked women (quite the contrary on both, actually), it's just that I'm sick to fucking death of high school movies.

I mean, really -- what is this obsession we have with high school? Who really gives a shit about this four-year period? Sure, it was when most of us figured out about the opposite sex, and it was a time of great personal and hormonal change, but if you're honest with yourself, was it really all that great? And even if it was, what bearing on your life does it have now? Of course, if you're currently in high school, it's all-encompassing, and you have no idea what I'm bitching about. But give it a couple of years. Life goes on, and, I don't know about anybody else, but I hardly ever think about it. Everything is just so different now, and those 4 years have so little relevance to the real world.

So anyway, back to 'Jennifer's Body.' I'm sick to death of films that we are expected to consume where high school is the focus. Most of all, and 'Jennifer's Body' is a perfect example of this, it's weird that high school girls are advertised as these creatures of sensuality and seduction. This voyeuristic tendency of focusing on high school girls as sexual objects is beyond bizarre, and then you have men my age (I'm 32) and older (and younger) lusting after them. This is fucked up, people! If you're over about the age of 25, have you seen an actual 16-year old girl lately? They look like fucking children! Megan Fox, by the way, does NOT in anyway look like a high school chick, which makes sense, because, according to IMDB, she's 23.

Now, I know Diablo Cody wrote this, and she penned 'Juno,' which was, incidentally, a smart and gripping high school drama. However, 'Jennifer's Body,' to me, looks like 1,000 teenage horror flicks I've seen before.

But most of all, I think that most recent high school horror movies are shit. It's just boring. Imagine interesting characters and dynamic settings. Sure, horror films aren't exactly known for their innovation, but foreign fright flicks often focuses on adults, and it works nicely (take 'Haute Tension,' for example). The characters are relatable and interesting and it makes, overall, for a better film experience for anybody over 18 years old (which should, theoretically, be a large portion of the people attending a movie like 'Jennifer's Body,' because you have to be 17 to even get in to see the damn thing).

Now don’t get me wrong, there have been some great, recent high school horror movies, Teeth being a good example. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it would be nice to have a bit more variety in horror, and to have some films actually targeted to those of us who have long since stopped worrying about S.A.T.s and prom. Or, if they have to go that route, at least make them interesting and intelligent.

So here's the red band trailer for 'Jennifer's Body' (curtsey of ShockTillYouDrop) yes, you can kinda see her tits for like a fraction of a millisecond, and yes, they do look nice. So I guess forget I said anything and just watch the stupid trailer.

On a side note, I wonder how many hits that title will get me. Pic

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